One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
