ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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