I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
