Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
