I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize