I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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