actually, I'm a sock model
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
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I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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