Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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