some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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