I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
