I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
