youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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