Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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