Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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