his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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