spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
