i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
