Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
