you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
