She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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