Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
