My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
