when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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