You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
