Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
