I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
