how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
