Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
