just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
