Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I would ride that face into the sunset
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
