I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
