I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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