i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
