u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
