i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize