I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
