he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
