Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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