no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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