life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
