Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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