I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
