at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
