We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
