found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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