Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
