how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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