My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
