i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
