She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
