Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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