Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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