Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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