How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
