I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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