if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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