That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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