I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
