he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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