Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
