You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
