he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
