Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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