Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
These tits shall not be calmed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
