I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
