Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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