I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
