these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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