I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All the doctor said was why
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize