Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
