I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
