If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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