Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
