All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
