i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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