got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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