The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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