I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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